Submit Dammit!

“There is no solid peace except in submission to the divine action.

The soul that does not attach itself solely to the will of God will
find neither satisfaction nor sanctification in any other means
however excellent by which it may attempt to gain them. If that which
God Himself chooses for you does not content you, from whom do you
expect to obtain what you desire? If you are disgusted with the meat
prepared for you by the divine will itself, what food would not be
insipid to so depraved a taste?

– by Jean Pierre de Caussade, S.J.

Submission is the theme that is coming out of my prayer lately. Defiance is all that seems to be coming out of my life right now. In certain areas of my life — the hardest, most stubborn areas — I cannot turn the knowledge that I must submit to a Rule into the actions to follow that Rule.

I haven’t talked about my diet in a long time. That’s because it sucks. I had some promising progress early on — as it is with all of my new initiatives — but the last two weeks since school started have been a real setback. My basketball guys have been scattered to the four winds by the demands of school schedules. Apparently carting your kids around to watch him/her do physical activities takes precedence over taking your own exercise. I am despairing of ever finding a physical activity that I actually enjoy that I can make happen without coordinating the busy schedules of other people. I feel like I am doomed to have exercise in my life remain a tedious chore that I only perform under the burden of guilt or doctor’s orders.

On a brighter note, my prayer life has had some improvement. I am more regular than ever before, but still a long ways away from the kind of regular prayer I need. I think the key for me is to mix it up by keeping a toolbag of prayer types and techniques that fit my situation. No quiet space available to meditate? Fine, I’ll do scripture and journaling at lunch. Need to make it a working lunch? Lectio Divinia on the way home. And there are always scripture readings and prayers in my email inbox.

I went to reconciliation last week — another nod to the theme of Submitting to God — and my new pastor said that was the first most important step to having more discipline in my life. Discipline in prayer is the precursor to discpline in my life, I guess. God I hope so. Sigh.

And I guess part of the whole discipline thing is to keep trying. So I’m re-starting this diet thing from freaking scratch. And what the hell, maybe I’ll call up a new group of guys and schedule something. Maybe the key is to focus on inviting more guys who have no kids to cart around.

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