Turning over the playbook

I feel pretty dumb. I was walking along in some store and that old Extreme song “More Than Words” came on the muzak system. So I was singing along because, hey, this is a great old romantic love song, right?

And then I get to the words

All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don’t ever let me go.

and I realize that this isn’t just an innocent romantic love song. This guy’s just trying to get laid. He’s trying to make her feel guilty by using the old, “If you love me, prove it.” line. What a doof I am..

Maybe it’s ’cause I have a pubescent daughter, but I am more sensitive to stuff like this now. Sorry guys, I feel an urgent need to “turn over the playbook” of Guydom, if only to arm my daughter with the competitive intelligence she’ll need to navigate the sexual politics of dating in years to come. Not yet, as she’s only ten, but soon.

Yep young fellas, I’m turning Benedict Arnold on your asses. I’m not only gonna teach her the “If you love me, prove it.” countermeasures, I’m gonna blow the “It’s not real sex if you don’t stick it in.” ploy wide open. And the “You can’t get pregnant the first time.” ruse? It’s history. And don’t even think about that fake yawn-stretch arm around shoulder thing.

Okay, so it’s been, like, twenty years since I’ve been on the front lines. But I’ll blow all the old plays and then maybe I’ll go undercover to expose the ones that have been invented since I’ve retired. There’s a reason I work with youth at church. It’s not just a ministry, it’s reconnaissance!

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