All right, I’m pissed. Where were you? All you Democrats? Gah!
I decide to vote with you this election (’cause I was voting for gridlock) and you stand me up! There I was at the polls and it was all lilly white Casual Corner and Starbucks and Eddie Bauer. Not a single nose ring or Doc Martens in sight.
What happened to GOTV?! You didn’t GOTFV!!! Was it so important to pick up your dry cleaning? No!
Now, thanks to you, sculpted breasts in our public buildings will be covered by curtains.
You went by the bank, and now Social Security will “reformed” into a bad 401k plan.
You picked up that refill of Zoloft and now our prescription drug coverage will be written by drug companies.
Because you caught a rerun of Friends, we’ll be spending public money on ridiculous contraptions that will fail to knock down non-existent missiles from space.
Regulatory henhouses will be stuffed with foxes.
Our budget will be beyond red. We’ll go infrared. They’ll have to invent a new color for our budget.
We’re gonna get wrapped around an illusory Axis of Evil. Tilting against more mustachioed windmills.
Well, I’m not gonna be worried. I will trust God that he knows what he’s doing. I will Chill.
Besides, I’m an upper-middle class, socially-conservative, religious White Male. I should be freakin’ dancing in the streets!