I-69, don't you?

I was driving to work this morning listening to a story about the NAFTA Freeway, I-69, on NPR. They were talking about how everybody’s for the idea of it, but there’s contention from NIMBY types and questions about how to pay for it.

It was right then that I had an idea that might help pay for it.

Does anyone else see the obvious merchandising opportunities for a major mid-continental freeway called I-69? Of course you do. The double-entendre is there, they might as well use it. Face it, you just know that at Stuckeys’ and truck stops all along that road the jokes will appear on caps, tshirts, and beer koozies. State governments might as well trademark them and fund the freeway by selling the licenses to make keychains that say “Let’s I-69” and bumper stickers that say “Travel I-69 and Go Down on America.”

Could I-69 take the place that the old Route 66 had in American mythology? Someone could write a song. Someone wake up Billy Ray Cyrus…

Personally, I am not very much for the idea of suggestive I-69 inspired kitsch. In fact, I’d vote to pay a few cents more at the pump if I thought it’d spare me and my family from all such crassness. But it won’t, ’cause if I had the idea, then any idiot with a screen printing machine can get the idea. It’s inevitable. So the only question is whether some of the money will go to strapped state governments or will all of it go to some guy named Bud in Missouri wearing a stained wife-beater and flip-flops.

Hey wait, my brother has a screen printing machine… Forget I brought it up. It’s a terrible idea. Really.

Now where did I put those flip-flops?

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