Book of Clark, Chapter 14: The Pie of the Lord

In the land of the Suburbanites, in the tribe of Clark, there was a High Priestess named Heidi who served God and ruled justly, slow to wrath and abounding in kindness. And in her reign the people were happy, for the land flowed with home cooking and every domestic goodness.

It was on the feast day of Saint Patrick that the Lord came to his priestess Heidi and said unto her: “Heidi, my good and faithful servant, you are chosen this day to do my work.” Heidi, though she was shaken with astonishment, replied, “Whatever you will, my Lord, I shall do.”

And the Lord spake unto her: “You shall bring forth a pie such as none in this land has seen, that my name be praised. There shall be a homemade crust, not store-bought as the law does permit, but made by your hand from scratch so that all may taste and my name be praised. And in the crust shall be fresh cream and bananas and coconut and all manner of rich fare. And on this pie shall be real whipped cream, not from a container, as the law does permit, but fresh cream whipped by your hand, that all may wonder at the glory of their God. Sprinkle atop the pie crushed macadamia nuts and toasted coconut that it may be pleasing to the eye and increasing in flavor. Divide the pie into wedges and serve it with coffee, that the people may rejoice and praise their God.“ And then the Lord left her to prepare His offering.

The Priestess Heidi did prepare the Pie of the Lord and did show it to the people, who grew wide-eyed and wondered, “What manner of dessert is this that it is prepared by hand and not with shortcuts made common by permit of the law? What love brought forth this labor?” But when the pie was served, all speaking ceased, and the people paid homage, partaking of the pie with reverence. When the pie was eaten all went forth holding their stomachs, moaning praises to God.

And so it was that the Pie of the Lord was brought to the tribe of Clark in the land of the Suburbanites. And His glory was increased.

1 thought on “Book of Clark, Chapter 14: The Pie of the Lord

  1. Reblogged this on wellthereyougo and commented:

    Somebody at work suggested “Pie-o-rama” for the next theme at our team meeting. (We’ve had “Dip-o-rama,” “Stick-o-rama,” and “Choc-o-rama” already.) That made me think about the Pie Of The Lord. I tried googling it and it didn’t come up. It was in 2003. So I’m reblogging just to resurface it to the search engine crawlers because such stories should remain as part of Clark tribal lore…

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