Boring

‘Being Boring’

If you ask me ‘What’s new?’, I have nothing to say
Except that the garden is growing.
I had a slight cold but it’s better today.
I’m content with the way things are going.
Yes, he is the same as he usually is,
Still eating and sleeping and snoring.
I get on with my work. He gets on with his.
I know this is all very boring.

There was drama enough in my turbulent past:
Tears and passion-I’ve used up a tankful.
No news is good news, and long may it last,
If nothing much happens, I’m thankful.
A happier cabbage you never did see,
My vegetable spirits are soaring.
If you’re after excitement, steer well clear of me.
I want to go on being boring.

I don’t go to parties. Well, what are they for,
If you don’t need to find a new lover?
You drink and you listen and drink a bit more
And you take the next day to recover.
Someone to stay home with was all my desire
And, now that I’ve found a safe mooring,
I’ve just one ambition in life: I aspire
To go on and on being boring.

— Wendy Cope

I have a soft spot in my heart for Boring. In fact, I wrote something like this in November 2002:

“Welcome to Boring. I love Boring. I’m a second generation Boring. I was born here and hope to retire here. I’d be happy to show you the ropes.

So you’re from Drama, huh? I’ve vacationed there before. Yep. Did a week or two in Desperation a few years back. Spent a three day weekend in Despair too. All very exciting for sure, but I’m always glad to come back home. To Boring.

Storms of Life are exciting, yes. Boring is all calm seas and soft winds. You can take off and land from Boring. To anywhere your heart desires.

The soil is fertile here in Boring. Good for growing things. You can grow children if that’s your crop of choice. Children thrive on Boring. But, without all the rocks and earthquakes of Drama, whatever roots you want to put down here will grow straight deep and strong.

Boring is the Heartland of everywhere you’ve ever been. But just because it’s the Heartland that doesn’t mean you can’t bring your mind. In fact, Boring gives you time to think, to use your mind. To write.

Now there’s one rule all newcomers to Boring need to know – there’s a difference between being Boring and being Bored. Boring is a judgement others put on you, Bored is a judgement you put on yourself. You have control over the latter without having to leave the Boring city limits.

Well, there I go, talking too much again. I’ll leave you to get settled in. There’s a block party every week in Boring. Usually a pot luck. Your potato salad will be fine. Hope to see you there.”

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