Rules for the Pool

If Mommy is not here to watch you, you stay in the big pool with me.
If you cannot demonstrate the ability to swim (ahem, Speedy) you cannot go off the diving board.
No drinking the pool water. (Yes, you, Petunia)
Absolutely no running. (That goes double for you, Fresh)
If you are going to jump to me from the side of the pool, it has to be a real jump. Daddy will not hold your hands while you “jump.”
You may not wear your shoes or beach towel into the water.
If somebody accidentally splashes you, no, you don’t get splashbacks. It’s the Pool. It happens.
If you splash someone on purpose, they most certainly do get splashbacks. Daddy, who is a much better shot than you, is included. So be prudent about who you splash.
Daddy reserves the right to join any splash war on the side of younger siblings. (Girlzilla…)
If you lose your grip while I’m giving you a ride, call out and I’ll grab you. Do not use my ears, nose, or what’s left of my hair to stabilize yourself. This goes double for my chest and back hair.
If Daddy suddenly turns into a sea monster, you get a two (count ‘em, two) second head start. You may climb up on the side of the pool to escape the monster, but you cannot run screaming across the grounds.
If the sea monster catches you, tummy szrrrbtts are the standard penalty.
You get no more than four “Daddy, watch this!” episodes per fifteen minute period. After a full hour, you must come up with new material.

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