The Outdoors Monster

I’m a mean dad. Did I mention that?

Since the weather’s been so nice, I came home, changed clothes, and made the children turn off the TV and g0………… outside! MWAHHahhahahaha!

We all went out and played around. The children were bored within 15 minutes. But I am a big believer in the instructive power of boredom. So I was not affected by their insistent pleas for access to electronic entertainment.

Speedy got so frustrated at my refusal to budge and my repeated attempts to lure him into some sort of activity involving circulating a ball back and forth that he yelled at me, “You’re mean. You’re a…a..Outdoors Monster!”

Before I was a dad, I bought into that cliche where the dad is pouring over bills and the boy walks up and asks his dad to play catch but the dad is too busy and so the boy goes away disappointed and then the boy grows up into a dad who pays bills instead of playing catch with his own boy. I decided that I was not going to be that dad. What I didn’t count on was not getting the kids who like to play catch.

I was going to be a catch-playing dad. Instead I became the Outdoors Monster.

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