Rules for the pool 2009

You’re all too old for the baby pool, you must stay in the big pool with me.
If you cannot demonstrate the ability to swim you cannot go off the diving board.
No drinking the pool water. Why? Go fish a pair of underwear out of your hamper. Think about it.
Absolutely no running. Race walking counts as running too.
You may not wear your shoes or beach towel into the water.
If somebody accidentally splashes you, no, you don’t get splashbacks. It’s the Pool. It happens.
If you splash someone on purpose, they most certainly do get splashbacks. Daddy, who is a much better shot than you, is included. So be prudent about who you splash.
If you are going to splash someone, do it right. If you ask Daddy, he’ll show you how. Swimming up to someone and kicking your legs is pathetic and ineffective.
Daddy reserves the right to join any splash war on the side of smaller children.
If you lose your grip while Daddy’s giving you a ride, call out and I’ll grab you. Do not use my ears, nose, or what’s left of my hair to stabilize yourself. This goes double for my chest and back hair.
If Daddy suddenly turns into a sea monster, you get a two (count ‘em, two) second head start. You may climb up on the side of the pool to escape the monster, but you cannot run screaming across the grounds.
If the sea monster catches you, tummy szrrrbtts are the standard penalty.
I know you want your friends to play Sea Monster too, but the Sea Monster only tummy szrrrbtts his own kids. With other people’s kids he becomes the Creepy Old Guy At The Pool and nobody wants that.
You get no more than four “Daddy, watch this!” episodes per fifteen minute period. After a full hour, you must come up with new material.
If you do a flip off of the diving board, please clear the pool for the next person before demanding accolades from your adoring fans.

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