I prayed over this for several hours to distill my brother’s life down to fifteen minutes. People told me I did well, who knows, but when I read it I smile and it brings David back to my mind. I guess that’s how I know it works. Here it is, because I don’t want him to leave my mind:
“I apologize in advance if this takes a while. I want to tell you about who David was to me and what I learned about God from him. And that will involve more than a few stories.
When he was young, he was the cute, charming, and funny brother. Everyone’s little buddy. I was the hyperactive nerdy overachiever. We both had our own ways of making our marks on the world.
When we got older, David was athletic and popular. I was still a nerdy overachiever. David accumulated friends and relationships. I went for grades and accomplishments.
I thought dismissively at the time that David was popular, class president key player in the party crowd, because he was a big football player. But what I missed was one key thing about David’s natural wisdom.
There’s a semi-famous quote from this 90’s movie called “Blast from the Past” that said “a gentleman is someone who always tries to make sure the people around him are as comfortable as possible.” That was David. He wasn’t just popular just because he was a jock. He was popular because he had a knack for putting people around him at ease. He was always at their service. And rather than seeking to be admired, David sought to admire others. I missed that until we were much older.
And, he was a really good sport. He was a master at “going with the flow” and accompanying people in things that they, not necessarily he, liked. Sound familiar?
He let me drag him to all sorts of things out of his comfort zone. Like to eat Ethiopian food for instance. As long as he could find something that looked like basic bread and meat for himself, he was happy just to be with you and witness your enjoyment of whatever nasty thing you were eating.
I dragged him to a rave in the 90’s. In an abandoned bank, back before the revival, downtown Houston was still a little scary at night. That was quite an adventure. Afterwards we had breakfast at Denny’s and compared notes. I noted that, after having been to college, people on ecstasy are way more pleasant than drunk people. I also paid more attention to all the art and weird costumes. David, ever the DJ and youth minister, was doing research. He noted the sound system, layout, lighting, what vendors were selling and how they were set up, the varieties of glowing objects offered for sale, and observations about youth culture of the time. If David DJed for your event in the past few decades I can tell you that David put a lot of thought into what he did and how to make an event fun and exciting.
I dragged the whole family to a poetry reading down by the Menil on one of my birthdays. They were a captive audience. Let’s say that the poets there were quite colorful and of… variable quality. We decided that at least some of the poets were no better than we could do ourselves. And I pointed out that, well, they got up there and we did not.
David took that to heart and scheduled a special family poetry reading at his house a few weeks later. We all gathered and brought our favorite poetry to read. David wrote and performed two original, funny, clever, and kind of touching slam-style spoken word pieces using props. Banging loudly on an empty water cooler bottle and while walking on a treadmill. He was the highlight of the night. He could have been the highlight of that first poetry reading we went to if he had performed there.
But David started to win me over to his way of being when I went with him and started to help him do some of what he did. I started to witness and admire the deceptive genius of all that fun stuff he did with the kids.
I DJed a few events with him and for him. That was not just hard work –first to arrive and last to leave lugging heavy stuff solving logistics issues — but it required the ability to be in tune with and respond to the mood and flow of a crowd and this special party master presence and voice that is not as easy as David made it seem. Few things David did were as easy as David made them seem.
I got defensive of my little brother when “responsible adults” would dismiss what he did as not being real work. “You get paid to eat pizza and go to Astroworld? What a job!” I’ll tell you since I went with him once as a chaperone, being in charge of dozens of kids at a large amusement park, in the days before cell phones, was quite stressful and a lot of work. I spent a whole lot of time looking at a list and counting kids. David struck the balance of being the responsible adult, stern when he had to be, but still fun and friendly with the kids in his care.
He made a career out of being both Mary and Martha at the same time, doing a job that the responsible adult world didn’t take very seriously. But as I witnessed what he did and how he did it, I grew to admire David. And his way taught me some things about God.
We’ve all probably heard the quote attributed to St. Francis about preaching the gospel at all times and using words if necessary. David definitely preached the Gospel with his life.
David was a Man for Others, a Fool for Christ, and Completely Useless in the holiest of ways.
A Man for Others
David was a man for others. That’s a Jesuit phrase, but the title fits David very well.
David chose a 30+ year career of service to the Church. You don’t work for the Church for the money. You do it for the love.
David, with his wife Cindy, adopted three children — Victor, Bruno, and Fiona — and served his family with devotion. You don’t choose a vocation like that for glory or fame. You choose that for love.
David served our mom and dad with devotion too. He lived down the street from them and was always available when they needed him. He even changed jobs away from youth ministry in his last years so his work schedule would allow him to be there for our father in his last years.
David was always looking for a way to help others in every situation. He was naturally in tune with those around him and put others’ comfort on par with or above his own. That was just who he was.
In fact, sometimes I think, to a fault.
One of our last conversations over dinner a couple weeks before he died, we talked about how he needed to take more time for himself. Take better care of himself. He agreed and said, “you know, maybe I need to get myself a hobby.” I agreed, wanting to encourage him, so I asked him, “okay so the last time you found yourself really in the zone, so wrapped up in what you were doing, that you forgot time and didn’t want to stop when it was time to stop, what were you doing?” He said, I was DJing a junior high school dance.
Of course that’s what he said. What he en-JOY-ed most, with the emphasis on JOY, was helping others have fun.
David’s example inspires me, and all of us, be “men and women for others” In that way I can honor what David did with his life.
A Fool for Christ
St. Paul wrote in 1 Cor 4:10 “We are fools for Christ’s sake, but yet are wise in Christ;”
David often played the “Holy Fool.” A great tradition in the Church (google it). By being the Fool, he was wise in Christ
All of us, especially the thousands of teens he served, are bombarded by pressures to act or look a certain way, stay within the lines
David tossed all those things out the window when it came to serving Christ. A Holy Fool uses unconventional behavior and challenges accepted norms to serve the Gospel. That describes David, doesn’t it?
With his signature bright colored tie-dye shirt, overalls. He would wear silly hats. Use silly props. Sing loud and silly songs. Do silly dances.
“High Five The Lord”
His example gave all of us permission to let go, relax, and let God move us.
He gave the hyperactive kids squirming in their seats a chance to get up and jump for Jesus. His example gave the shy quiet kids encouragement that it might be okay to raise their hands a little bit and give praise to God with everyone else.
He wasn’t afraid to make messes for Jesus. Epic messes that made “responsible adults” wince. Anyone remember Jello-rama? He made messes, sure, but with them he made fond memories people carried with them their whole lives.
He tossed nutrition out the window. He knew what kids wanted to eat. And he knew that he needed to feed them. He served well over 25,000 pizzas in his youth ministry career here at Epiphany alone.
After he fed them pizza and had them run around and play games, sing and dance, then he would settle them down to pray and praise God. But what they didn’t realize was that in the sharing pizza, games, dances, and songs, they already had been praying and praising God.
At what point did we unlearn how to pray like that? David never stopped trying to get people to pray like that.
David’s example inspires me to let my guard down, quit worrying so much about appearances, and be more of a “fool for Christ.” In that way I can honor what David said to us with his life.
Useless in the Holiest of Ways
Most importantly, David was a maestro, a natural genius, of Uselessness.
I suppose I should explain. St. John Henry Newman is one of my favorite theologians. He wrote in his “Idea of a University” that, while learning useful skills is important, they are important because they help us attain to higher things. David’s photo booth was use-ful because it helped people have fun, capture memories, and enjoy being together.
The most important things in life are use-less, like fun, fond memories, and being together. They don’t serve a higher end, they *are* the higher end.
David’s life’s work was devoted to use-less activities.
He knew and could do all sorts of useful things…
He could plan events for hundreds of people. He could teach the faith to a large crowd in a way that was fun and engaging. He could set up large sound systems and light displays. He could screen print tshirts. He could build things. Run a photo booth, a cotton candy machine, karaoke, all at the same time. He invented a way to make jello eggs solid balloons full of jello for his Jello-rama events. He was clever and resourceful in lots of use-ful ways.
David had all sorts of useful stuff. Lots of stuff. Everywhere.
I had the opportunity to start clearing out Dave’s office this last week here at Epiphany. I was expecting it to be a mournful chore, but it turned into a privileged witness to the dailiness of my brother. Every item pointed to a higher end. He had lots of tools, books of ministry resources, props for skits, sound cords and connectors, photo booth supplies. Almost everything was use-ful for some higher end and provided some means to serve others. Even the décor on his walls – the funny sayings, the nuns having fun – were use-ful in giving visitors an occasion to smile or laugh or reflect on their faith. David’s office, like David himself, was an icon of the use-ful in service to the highest use-less things in life.
As I was trying to establish some kind of order to all this stuff, I imagined Marie Kondo herself sitting down with Dave, holding up a pair of rubber hairy inflatable worms and asking, “Does this spark Joy?” And I imagined David responding, “Well, a little. But the important thing is that it can help me spark joy in others. That’s the question you should be asking. How does this serve God?”
David was a master of the most use-less, holiest things, praise, play, fun, games, community, relationships, laughter, enjoyment, and rest
David showed me how much work it took to help others rest, play and refresh themselves in the Lord. He could be both Martha and Mary at once and not skip a beat.
One of my other favorite theologians, Thomas Merton, says we are all spoken “like words from the mouth of God containing a partial thought of himself.” When God created David, He spoke a unique combination of service, kindness, fun, laughter, play, and joy into our world. David showed us a special view of God’s love for us just by being David.”
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